just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
