I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
