listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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