No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
