Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
