five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
