He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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