I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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