also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
