'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
