do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
