Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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