I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
