My Higher Power is John Stamos
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
True strength comes from lack of pants
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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