Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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