Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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