Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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