As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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