I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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