I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
