Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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