Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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