They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
