either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
