Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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