I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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