my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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