I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
