I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
two words...techno handjob
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
