So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
