the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
