I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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