did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
