i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
