Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
