I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
