Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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