So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
