Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
