He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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