i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
