Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
