I'm drive I can fine osifer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Bring me that man meat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
