I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
