Yo dont text me then not text me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
