shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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