I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
