Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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