Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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