so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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