Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
