I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
