im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
