If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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