Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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