But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
