I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
