wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
