You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I just sharted jello shots
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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