Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
