I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
