I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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