From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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