So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
