You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
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Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need water and some morals
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.