i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.