I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?