Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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