omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
